._-+[o( anarqist )o]+-_.

mystery girl

Fri, 10 Dec 2004 03:22:27 GMT

This started as part of a BBS add like... 10(?) years ago.

...sort of worked its way to the top of the pile recently.

Putting it here might encourage me to do something with it...
maybe not, we will see. At first I wanted to make this full body...
did not quite happen... her legs would have just gone on and on.

and there is that complicated hands and feet issue... hmm, seems
like I am talking myself out of doing anything with it... oh, well for
posting on here I am going to reduce the size and blur it so that it
looks more like bad art instead of low-medium quality 90s ANSI art.

It still needs quite a bit of work, abandoned it years ago but each
time I find it again I really like it and spend awhile working on it.

I have another piece somewhere from right around the same time.
I might post it later... There is much more of a chance I will do something
with it than with this one...

Perhaps a retro-bbs type menu for a non-existent webpage of mine.

You can always stop the cycle, try.

Fri, 10 Dec 2004 00:14:20 GMT

I am thinking about leaving some kind of server up full time.
To offer e - books to anyone who wants them, .pdf, .lit, .txts.
A web page or a ftp server - any preferences potential leechers?
If anyone is looking for anything in particular... series, subjects,
certain authors... if it's going to be full scan pdfs of tech manuals,
art books, magazines, well then it's going to have to be ftp, I suppose.
Ahh, random rambling to myself... oh, or to anyone who wants e-books... :p
I screen my replies so your strange reading interests are safe, request away.
Or e-mail me at Yahoo! .... or if you already use my ftp site then just upload an
empty text file named AUTHOR-BOOK.TXT to me, or a text of the different books and/
or topics that you want... oh man, food colouring is awesome, I have been busy dying
most of my food lately. Which is often noodles, lovely purple noodles, blinding lime
green, mysteriously delicious blue, ooh, and of course, red, oh wonderful candylicious red
food colouring, how I do love you... on that note I think I'll have myself a white trash fest
and dye me up some red ramen noodles, drink some black cherry kool-aid, and ... uh... hrm.

do something white trashy... hrm, damn... oh, and something red... at a loss here... uh.....
oh, I guess mentioning the fun that is synaesthesia might make the food colouring sound a tad
bit less odd, but... what is the point of that really... oh, does knowing what synaesthesia is,
and how to spell it (I believe!) ruin that whole white trash thing I was going to go for or is the
kool-aid alone enough... hrm, I suppose it is not. I like cool-whip a lot too! I have been told that
it is white trash food, jello too maybe...? eh, trying to be cool and white trash be damned, kool aid now.

(later addition, omfg - pizza rolls are white trash yay pizza rolls)
(later, later addition, did i say omfg? i did, omfg)

mmm imaginary pizza rolls, you may each have one.

Nights into Dreams, into ramblings...

Fri, 03 Dec 2004 21:30:42 GMT

I have the most strange and wild dreams.
Almost always sexual at least in some small way...
if not direct then symbolic, breasts, skin, pounding,
heart beats, that warm wash of glowing white orasmic energy.

Liquid fire.

Always filled with girls and skin and warmth and wet...
Sometimes certain girls, more often just random girls.
I was having some kind of detailed complex dream
about flying over water and heading to 'Persia'.
I have been dreaming a lot about persia, persian girls,
persian magic, history, scripture, prophecy...
Doing a fair bit of reading as well, mostly due to my dreams
but I am sure the reading then effects the dreaming.

Memories from the past resurface in dreams and I wake...
unsure of reality, mixed memories. Multiple possible futures.

I have been downloading e-books by the ... large amount?
Dozens every few minutes, hundreds a day. Speed reading
through them, taking notes. Placing e-bookmarks to e-return
and e-read more later with more e-depth and more e-focus.

I have a Pocket PC with about 64mb of free storage, a 128mb
CF Storage card for it... I carry a few hundred books with me
everywhere I go. The screen is somewhat small so I practice
speed reading. Instead of looking at each letter as a picture
to form a word... or looking at the words to a line of text...
I instead look at the entire page as a small picture, full of deep
meaning and packed with detail. I flip through page after page,
blinking only once at each, letting my brain pull in the information.
Flipping back a page if I need to... less and less often everyday.

The more research I do, the more I study whatever interests me,
to whatever depth I find satisfying, the more understanding I gain.
The more understanding I gain the more simple things seem... Ideas
or topics I used to find outside of my grasp come easily when I first do
the ground level research. All of these complex things boil down to very
simple concepts. Those simple concepts boil down to a more primal form of
understanding, communication, and thought. In time all of that seems to
become just a simple feeling of balance or imbalance. Off and On.

I am so very fascinated by people but I do not much like to spend time with them.
I talk to dozens of people a day on the computer though. From all over the world.
Sharing ideas, talking about our beliefs, different peoples, different lifestyles,
different ways of life in other countries, other societies... talking about views on
magic and science, alternative history, 'right' and 'wrong', 'good' and 'bad' all of that
fun stuff that the people who glare at me on the street obviously have no interest
in talking about... I have no real interest in talking with them either most often. I
try not to make assumptions or judge people, but I have decided when someone sees
me and has that look of general disgust or displeasure at my life force (for a short time)
being a part of their subjective reality... that they are not going to have much interest
in hearing my views, or in sharing theirs. So instead of a meaningful exchange of ideas
I just smile. I know if I can not communicate with words perhaps I can do it with a smile,
a nod, a look into the eyes, that momentary instantaneous connection. Click, zap, ...gone.
I like to think that this actually does a lot of good. A lot of people will not look me in the eye.
Be it social conditioning, be it my scary mountains of unkempt hair and beard... my belly, my
far from great posture, the fact that I am most often in pain and probably have a scowl on
my face. :p Unsure... when I do manage to connect with someone I can always see it...
passing from me to them, a small change, a charge. I have so often seen a small honest
friendly smile change someones entire day. A microsecond of eye contact and the
smallest of nods settles any possible conflict between 'alpha males'. Just that tiny effort
taken to say, 'hey, I'm here, this is me, this is what I am up to' changes so much really.

A lot of my researching leads me to believe that too much of human understanding is
based on fear, miscommunication, misunderstandings. Too many people are afraid to think
or believe what falls outside of their experience or what they have been told by others.
Too many people are happy to spread untruths or downright lies to maintain 'stability'.
Afraid to rock the boat for fear they might fall out. Why is so much of the history made
easily available based on who took what, who destroyed what, who created what by force.
Why are so many stories of past greed, corruption, and general 'evil' now seen as success
stories. The history of the world based on what is now important in life? When exactly did
greed become the same as success? The perversion of the American way? When people
get ahead, what exactly is it they are getting ahead of? What do they leave behind?
What do people gain from greed beyond simplistic material things? The satisfaction of
a perversion of some type of natural instict? Yay, I've got stuff! Everything is fine?

Where is the history of people working together to accomplish goals for a better life?
I suppose what I think of as a better life is not the same as others. I often forget
how many people claim they are honestly more happy stepping on others to get ahead.
What else are they supposed to do, that's the american way, or so they tell me.
If they do not do it, someone else will. It has become so hard for some people to
see that they have very simple lives with very basic needs. The rest is fluff, distraction.

If everyone wanted everyone else to have the best life possible instead of working only
to feed their own greed, comfort, and supposed superiority things would be quite a bit
different. Who wants to be the best country? Big deal. I would rather help every other
country be the best it can be, then they'll take care of us and do the same for us.
Who needs an economy, at least who needs one like we have today? We're people,
we all want and need the same things. There is not so much of a shortage on anything
that we have to fight or take from others to get it. If the economy were based on
how much you can give to others while doing whatever it is you are good at instead
of based on making product as cheaply and quickly as possible and seeing how much
you can take from others before giving it to them, things would be quite different.

I do not want to be better than anyone else or have things or a life any better than
anyone else... how can someone be happy with just the meaningless aspects of life
when others are without? I am not saying that the general sorry state of others is
something that keeps me constantly depressed. ... more that how can I go out and
pretend to care about working a hellish job to buy a new video game system, all the
new games and the controller with air-conditioning built in while other people are
just as happy if not more so just to have food on their table or good friends. Well,
they are lazy and they did not go and work hard to earn their shiny new crap, why
should I care or feel for them...? Well, why shouldn't I? Why should I get more of
a thrill from working my ass off and giving my soul away to buy plastic crap than I
would from working hard to support my family, my community and my friends?

Who teaches people that these days? No company is going to fund it. No one
makes enough money spreading that kind of message to keep themselves from
having to work, so fuck it? No one is going to teach us about living life instead of
living the corporate drama? No one is interested in becoming a person, not a cog?
Where are those commericals? Where is that part of history? If each person only
cared for one other person everyone on earth would be cared for. Some people
live thousands or millions of times beyond their needs. Others fight and scrape to
get by. Why? They are not as willing to give up their freedoms or souls to conform?
Aren't we all the same? What is it that makes people feel good aboutother people
suffering? Does it really actually make them feel good or have theyjust lost their
way? Confused about life, values and the underlying truth that weare in fact all
the same? Is it very simplistic... either they are going to be well off or they are
going to suffer? and everyone else be damned? Where is that point, that line that
gets crossed, between living life and being a product? It is just that people can not
imagine helping others working? That people are lazy? They think if there was not
this system in place encouraging them to buy in, conform, work hard, buy more,
pay that off, raise in status, buy more, pay that off, over and over till they die that
they would be lost and alone? I suppose if no one can imagine putting a hand out
and helping someone gain understanding or giving to others even if it means not
having for yourself ... if people can not imagine doing that then of course they
would not survive without this system in place.

okay, my rambling is moving close to ranting... and I try to keep that more
private, but here is a public post for those people who are unhappy that
all of my writing is kept private, or just deleted after I write it. :)

Word to your mother, here's some pumpkins.

Mon, 01 Nov 2004 06:28:30 GMT

The photos of my pumpkin did not come out as well.
I will take a better one later... perhaps...

As you can see, I am already fully content in a land of pumpkin-filled bliss.

yay! soon I get to gut pumpkins

Wed, 06 Oct 2004 18:42:30 GMT

Soon it will be the time to gut pumpkins.
I think we will try to get a lot of them this year.

... positioning the pumpkin, well balanced, on squares of newspaper...
...sorting through the entire kitchen looking for that flimsy orange handled pumpkin knife...
...finding some plastic gloves to keep the ick off of my hands...
...taking careful external measurements to determine the perfect angle for a face...
...sketching out a rough draft of a face on the skin...
...cutting a perfect circle, at the right angle for a lid...
...scooping the guts out into a double layered plastic bag for disposal...

ha, I rather think not.

Last year we bought a .... carload? of pumpkins,
along with a random assortment of gourds.

We made spooky stuff out of the pumpkins and left the gourds in the car to dry.
...of course the closed up humid car is not the perfect place for drying gourds...
so quite a few of them turned into beautiful squish right in the back of my car... fun times.

We were left with a few nice dry ones though, a big round one that looks sort of like a goose,
it is fun to shake, all full of seeds -rattle-rattle-

I might make something beaded to go around it some time to it extra noisy.... hrm, oh, yeah, we found a little gourd shaped just like a (small) cock ... perfect for a fall altar... guess it is about that time...

oh, and the pumpkin carving issue...

I am much more into the whole...

...buy sexy pumpkins...
...sit on the ground with them...
...spin them about a time or two to consider them...
...make a fist and punch into the top back, enjoying the satisfying squishiness...
...scoop the guts out, (by naked hand) maybe putting the seeds aside for roasting...
...use fingers, or a stick to make holes for eyes...
...a knife might help for the mouth part, we'll see...
...put candle inside, yay!...

The candles burn a lot better without the lid, plus also it is quite fun to just punch right in.
My pumpkins, jack-o-lanterns, whatever, always come out looking like they were made by a homicidal three year old, even if I do sketch outside, plan, and then carve using tools... so, better to just take the more natural approach.

My third LJ.

Thu, 30 Sep 2004 04:21:07 GMT

Hmm, well, this is my third livejournal.

The first (a fuzzy memory - early/mid '99) I created at the same time other 'friends'
in a perl irc channel were creating theirs.

My friends (who I am sure would want to remain nameless)
and I used the accounts only to share bits of exploit code...
so that we did not have to pass any information over e-mail servers
and could keep things public while still on the down low.

My lady is making cookies, the smell is leeching up here from three floors away... *drool*
I must go check on the process of cookies ... though to be honest I can tell from the smell
that they are already out and cooling... so it is more a case of 'making a dash for a grope
and some hot fresh cookies' than a need to check on 'cookie process' I suppose.

oops, I typed took too long to type that and am being treated to delivery

mmm and ...

The second I started after the company I was working for fell apart and 'friends' wanted
to keep in touch. I used it, almost daily, filling it with random bits of entertainment...
It is filled with pointless commentary on people I was doing work for, books I was reading,
random internet people I was talking with and having random internet debates with.

I am unsure what this one will be.

I have been having intense - perhaps prophetic dreams lately, those could be fun to share.

My cookie providing lover-girl of the past 10+ years has her own computer and a journal now.
It will be fun to be able to comment on her journal as someone other than anonymous.

I might attempt to attract some followers or fellow leaders interested in some of the things I am..........
more on that later perhaps.